Just Be Nice

Hi.

Last night a good friend and mentor of mine; one I admire, look up to, and go to CONSTANTLY for advice and a swift kick in the reality pants, posted about being the target of a virtual attack on her work and her character.

I can guarantee that this isn't the last time this will happen to her.

If you're part of the photography business world or know someone in this community you're fully aware of the viciousness with which other photographers will "comment" on others work, take their images and post it to pages for others to attack, or send private messages to fellow photographers remarking how awful their work is or how they should give up.

And then, undoubtedly, you've seen the blog posts pop up from well-known, established, respected photographers about how this needs to STOP.

I agree. 200 million percent I agree.

But this post isn't about that.

........... 

I've been the target of cyber-bullying. Come to think of it I've been the target of cyber-bullying at least twice since moving to Virginia (likely more but I haven't been made aware of it, yet). I've had grown women publicly slander me on social media in groups I wasn't a part of. I've had my images taken to other pages to be bashed. And, unfortunately, I'm sad to say, it's likely I've been the perpetrator of cyber-bullying, too- without even realizing it.

This isn't a "kids" problem. This isn't a "High School girls are so mean to each other" issue. This is a gender free, ageless, EPIDEMIC.

Somewhere between the birth of Xanga (yea... I went that far back) and the creation of Instagram we decided it was ok to take every mean, nasty thought we have and tell someone. As a counselor, I'm all for expressing oneself and processing through things for the good of that individual; but what we're doing on social media is NOT for us as a person but is rather to HURT SOMEONE ELSE.

WHY has social media given everyone the false impression that they have the "right" to say whatever they want to someone? WHY do we feel that because we're speaking to a profile picture that emotions and real human beings are no longer existing behind it? What is wrong with us?!

And perhaps even worse is the fact that the very millisecond that someone says something hateful 32 others jump on the bandwagon! It's like watching lions eat a Gazelle that already has a broken leg. They're already hurt, and are likely going to lose the battle no matter what they try. But yet, we continue to attack and tear them a part.

WHERE DO WE GET OFF THINKING ANY PART OF THIS IS OK?!

You don't need to hear me go on about how the person we're tearing down is a human being- someone's mother, someone's sister, someone's friend, wife, neighbor. No, what I think needs to be heard is that it's time we look at OURSELVES.

What are WE doing? How can we find our actions to be acceptable? Ripping someone apart verbally and emotionally is ok? If that's ok with you then by all means, please, continue (sarcasm). But if you feel ANY kind of physical reaction while WRITING these things to someone else- even if that someone isn't visible to your words (like taking someone's photo and putting it in a secret group to bash on it)- then you probably do, on some level, realize how hurtful your words are.

So why do we still press the "enter" button to send those words into the world?

I do recognize that we are putting ourselves out there by even having an account with a social media site and, in a way, giving people the right to have an OPINION on what we put on those sites- but I do NOT and WILL not agree that just because we exist on a site that it gives other users the right to be complete jerkoffs. Being mean is not sharing an opinion. Being mean is not helpful. Being mean is no good for ANYONE.

Just be nice to people. It's really not that hard to do if you think about it.

And if anyone is or becomes the target of cyber-bullying. MESSAGE ME. I mean it! We can chat, talk on the phone, skype about it. I'd LOVE to talk it out with you and be your shoulder to let it all out! No one deserves it. No one should go through it. But if you have to, don't go through it alone.

With Love,
 Sarah